Well, I’m sitting here contentedly after the excess of Christmas, trying to recall what it feels like not to be stuffed to the gills with food and surrounded by toys (and I mean surrounded – it’s just me, a laptop and a cup of coffee in this corner of the room and fighting out through the Mt Everest of toys that occupies the living room will need some careful tunnelling)
I’m not really one for new years resolutions, it’s not for me, I’m far too impulsive and basically if you put a rule in front of me i’ll spend far too long debating why we need it rather than actually complying with it. So what about 2013, what was it and what does 2014 mean?
2013 was a heck of a year. It started with an inspiration – Isaac. Yes, the other two boys inspire me equally but their futures are theirs to shape, but Isaac’s future needed help. To be honest, I’ve mostly been a pretty self contained person all my life but to see what Isaac faced in terms of a future where people may react to what he cant do, rather than what he can do, spurred the lazy git in me into action. From that inspiration, as they say, the rest is history. Or it would be if we were at a point where I could say we’ve achieved what we could achieve but realistically we’re at the start of a long, long journey (that sodding x-factor word ‘journey’ again, hate it!). Realistically, for the first time in my life I had an idea that others believed in and the responsibility that brings is scary and exciting in equal measure. 2013 saw that idea develop, a charity start and us take the show on the road to over 1000 people. Proud? Not really because to take personal satisfaction from it is the bottom of the list, it’s more about whether we create a legacy, make a difference.
2013 brought massive changes for me. As a dad of three I thought I could do it all, pretty much. Yes, 2010 and the twins being born was a grenade in the puddle of my life but a year ago I would have thought I could handle it all. Realising in 2013 that I couldn’t, or that containing it all wasn’t good for me, was a massive thing. Blogging? If you’d asked me a year ago, even 6 months ago if I’d ever write a blog I’d have asked if you were kidding ; I’m not cut out for personal writing. I’m a sarcastic-to-the-point-of-sometimes-being-offensive-without-meaning-it thirty odd year old bloke with a lot of miles on the clock. Saying ‘I feel’ doesn’t come easy. I was brought up minding my own emotions and certainly not showing them and to put them ‘out there’ presented a lot of anxiety. So, why do it? Two reasons ; one to show a ‘and f*cking what?’ to the world ; what if I do say how I feel about having a son with disabilities? What’s the worst that can happen? People can come up to this 6ft 1″ fat lad and say ‘you soft shit’? Honestly, showing that Isaac’s story needs telling and that I don’t care what anyone perceives is a bit of a step for me. Secondly its to hopefully show other dads in similar situations that it’s ok to be honest, no one will judge you for saying what you want to say or feeling how you want to feel. I’m no placard bearer, I just want any other dads to know that they aren’t the only person feeling like they feel
So, an odd year from that angle, loads more about me ‘out there’. Anyhow, aside from that there was the small matters of watching three little people get a bit bigger, arbitrating over conflicts on a daily basis between the eldest and the youngest (remember, Ethan is younger twin by 30 seconds or so!), working a full time job and all the kerfuffle that all of those bring.
Into 2014 there’s some huge challenges on every front, from growing the charity to being a good dad and husband. It’s all about making the 1% improvements each day ; if I achieve that then it’s going to be a huge year on all fronts.
I cant say thanks enough for the support and best wishes you have given us all in 2013, and hope that every single one of you has a prosperous, happy and truly great 2014.